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| B: 180 L: 280 [[goal: 220]] S: 289 [[goal: 200]] D: TBA [[goal: 300]]
**yes i realize that equals 900, but i know my snackings going to go over 200 =]**
im gonna try and eat 1000 calories today. im sick of ana ruling my life. beanie is right. its not healthy. its anything but healthy. i need to learn to accept my body for what it is. i dont know how long eating regularly is going to last, but im gonna try. wish me luck <3 | | |
| [[edit]] at least my intake was good today. 84 calories total. i havent eaten since breakfast. and i feel light, empty, pure, and great. <3 [[/edit]]
[[edit]] well thats just great. the only person that i thought i could trust is forwarding information to my other friends. fuck this all. im getting a new xanga. [[/edit]]
today. was. awful.
i had 84 calories for breakfast (thats normal for me) nothing for lunch. thats what started the problem. i wish people would just shut the fuck up about my eating habits. my body, my rules. and then i got into science and totally blew up at one of my best friends, and told her to stop nagging me about my eating. im not hungry and i dont give a fuck what you all say im not gonna start eating. which of course was a big mistake. she then forwarded it to a bunch of my friends. who all wont stop nagging me about it now. and i am just so...ughh. me and my friend (thank gawd for her...my motivational buddy who keeps me from eating ;D) were talking earlier about what bitches they are being about it. if i would like to die getting skinny, then thats my decision. so fuck off. and then of course when people nag me about eating i get motivated and dont eat...so i havent eaten since breakfast... but...ughh. i should probably get a new xanga, as one of my friends knows about this one. and, as i learned today, you cant trust anyone with anything personal =(
[17:11] Anli: we care about you. all of us. and what you're doing to yourself can cause permanent damage and will be something you'll look back on and regret. you are, in no means, doing the healthy thing for your body and it is severely likely that you'll end up hospitalized if you keep going this way. there is nothing i have left to say, except that we love you and we're worried about you. you don't need to lose weight. you just need to have confidence and realize - not accept, but realize - that you ARE already in good shape and there's nothing wrong with the way you are. so please, just realize that when we say things, it's not to degrade you or whatever, it's because we recognize the seriousness of the situation and it's clear, from this conversation, at least, that you don't. if you get angry with me about that, it's ok, but just as long as this makes an impact. right now, if you never speak to me again but take what i said seriously it will be worth it, because in more ways than one, itll be like i have just saved a life. thank you very much for caring, but i dont really care.
<333 stay strong starve on, no matter what they say
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| Diets, Fasting, Quotes && Icons
Diets <3
2-4-6-8 Diet This diet is very popular among anorexics because it speeds up your metabolism and you can lose a lot of pounds with this diet. Usually with restricting calorie intake, you actually show your metabolism. Therefore, with this diet, you take in different amounts of calories every day. This behavior tricks your body. The first day you restrict to 200 calories. The following days you build up the calorie intake by 200. (2nd day: 400. 3rd day: 600, etc.) You can add a day of fasting inbetween and at the end before starting the whole cycle over again.
The Vegetarian Way Simply try to go vegetarian for awhile. Eat lots of fruits, veggies and once a week some soy or tofu for protein. The only thing you have to be careful about is to vary your calorie intake and eat moderately. You should lose, varing on the amount you ate, between 2 and .5 pounds every day.
The Protein Way Eat five bananas every day and drink 3 glasses of low fat milk. You should not do that forever since you are lacking vitamins in this diet. You should lose up to 2 pounds every day doing this.
The Restrictive Way You can eat everything but just don't go over 800 calories a day. Try to eat things with low fat and as little calories as possible since you can eat more without reaching the 800. Depending on your choices, you can do this diet forever and you can lose over 30 pounds in 6-8 weeks! My advice: Do some sports and the pounds will seem to fly away.
The Atkins Diet With this diet, you only can have 20 carbohydrates a day for 2 weeks. That might seem like a little but after the first few days, your body becomes accustomed to it. The things you can eat are dairy products, meat and cheese. They all consist of protein which does the most in weight loss. After the 2 weeks, you can advance up to 30 carbohydrates daily.
Everything you need to know about FASTING <3
Fasting is the complete absense of food; just water. And unlike extreme restrictive diets, it's healthy!
Short-term Fasting In general, fasts should be conducted for no longer than 28 days- most fasts being 21 days or less. Long fasts (42 days) are both unnecessary and potentially dangerous! A prolonged fast, for more than 2-3 months is simply STARVATION! Although most of the miraculous benefits of fasting do result from 3-5 days or more and 7-14 days is "healing". Although days 1-7 are quite benefitial, days 7-14 are truly tremendous, with the benefits from days 14-21 become extreme. Days 21-28 are nothing than a complete regeneration of the body!- it literally erases years of your life.
--After the 3rd day of a fast, the body begins to make ketone bodies in the liver; in other words, it enters ketosis. In the absense of food (energy), ketone bodies are produced by the body as an alternate energy source. Normally, ketone levels in the blood are less than .2mm. After several days of fasting, they approach 3mm, and steadily rise thereafter. Importantly, never eat an extreme amount during a fast!- this quickly shifts the body out of ketosis; back to its normal metabolism of glucose (food) which decreases ketone bodies, cuasing growth hormone and increases hunger.
Fasting and Hunger Levels The only challenge to fasting is completing the first 1-5 days. During days 1-5, hunger levels can flucauate from average to well above average. Many actually experience their greatest hunger on day 3 (prior to ketosis). After day 3, hunger levels noticably decrease. After day 5, hunger levels and the desire for food in general dramatically decrease. After day 10, hunger levels- for the most part- are nonexistant.
Fasting and Energy Levels During days 1-5, energy levels can flucate from average to well below average- (feeling light headed). During days 5-10, with sharply elevated levels of borth growth hormone and ketone bodies, energy levels are tremendous- as well as mental clarity.
CREDiT 1
Quotes && Other Stuff <3
Letter From Ana
Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you.
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely nowhere! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, furthermore you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look...fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell you the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.
But I am about to change all that.
I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly: decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some sit-ups. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won't be long before I tell you that it isn't good enough.
I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to bind myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurring together as one.
I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount your calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.
Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything... if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.
Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will open slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self-control, you are going to get fat.
When it is over, you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen! Who cares?! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.
Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.
I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have created you, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.
Sincerely, Ana ----- Thin thighs tell no lies ----- Quod me nutrit, me destruit (What feeds me also destroys me) ----- && She doesn't see her beauty <//3 -----
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